The Dark And Light

Hey everyone, today I decided instead of saying how my week Was  to share my struggles and some things I have learned. 

So Yeah I am and have been struggling with mental depression and it's hard. I can't feel the Holy Spirit, I can't feel God's love and I can't really find the joy that is part of missionary work and also a part of God's plan for me. Everyday its a battle to get out of bed. It's one stepp at a time and one hour at a time. It's hard, it's ment to be and it makes me feel weak, power less to beat it. Now there has been improvement and that is a very very important thing to understand because at first it was also fighting the battle of suicide but now I im not having that Problem. 

I want to thank those of you who have reached out to me with love and Support, I haven't responded to those of you who have but I saw the emails and messages and I want you to know that I live and appreciate those of you who reached out to help me so so much. I have had so many people helping me get through this on both sides of the veil. It has and will continue to take a god to get me out of this hole. 

    It's hard to deal with this, one because depression is a hard thing and two, because the Real me, the Real elder degarimore, Dutch, hasn't come out and I haven't been able to be my Real self in so long. It's super hard to feel like that all the time. 

    Now I find it interesting that these struggles in mortality are a surprise to us now but in the premortal existence these were things we agreed to do and we accepted the terms to live in a fallen world. I may not understand the why of this whole experience and why it's so hard, so dark and painful but I am hopeful that at the end of it all I will have learned something about this or myself. But what I know for sure is that when the dark clouds clear and I know they will, I may not know when but I know that they will, I will come out stronger than I did when I was thrust into the storm. And that is a reward of its own, that my faith will be strengthened and that I will be able to get out of this whole experience through the atonement of Christ and the love of God.